Navigating Intimacy, Pandemic Style

The dynamics of intimate relationships are among the many facets of life that have been upended by the pandemic. Many couples feel a loss of control over their daily lives and may have experienced major changes in their roles, whether because of job losses or caring for children at home while working. Despite the challenges, this Valentine’s Day may be the perfect opportunity to rekindle the romance.

The past year has brought many couples grief, financial struggles, and more stressful daily lives. At the same time, the loss of coping mechanisms such as getting together with friends or exercising at the gym has led to an increase in sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating, and depression. These changes can impact a couple’s sex life, decision-making, and time spent together, and the turmoil can cause conflict in romantic relationships.

Katherine M. Hertlein, Couple and Family Therapy professor at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas, offers couples strategies for navigating romance during the pandemic. Ms. Hertlein advises couples first to address anxiety and grief, rather than trying to push it away. She says it is important to recognize and be present with these feelings, understanding their impact on interpersonal communications. She encourages couples to practice mindfulness, which can help create intimacy and improve communication, helping people understand that their romantic partners are in the same situation, operating from a place of good intentions, and doing the best they can.

Couples may have lost sexual connection during a time when kids are around all the time and stress levels are elevated. Ms. Hertlein says couples can reconnect by taking the emphasis away from “bigger moments,” and instead look for subtle ways to interact throughout the day—a back rub, holding hands, or even just sitting next to each other. She encourages couples to take each other on imaginary “electronic fantasy dates” until it is safe to resume date nights. She also suggests finding websites that ask fun and thought-provoking questions that are designed to cultivate intimacy and romance. At a time when the boundaries between home and work have been blurred, Ms. Hertlein recommends turning off the phone for the evening.

Despite the added challenges, with these techniques, couples can keep romance alive this Valentine’s Day and every day.